Secrets are Meant to be Kept
by storyteller718
Summary: Peter Pettigrew still reminisces about the his days at Hogwart's. His memory of one man plagues him everyday. Peter is in love with James Potter but how will his feelings be received?


Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling.

Secrets Are Meant to be Kept

The sky was dark over all of London. The sun had set hours ago. Still, light spilled out of a few establishments. Flourish and Blotts was one of them but it slowly became dimmer. Lights were being put out, one by one, as if turning off stars. Soon the building was as black its surroundings. One man pushed his way out of the front door. With a point of his wand, the door locked. There came a loud crack like the sound of a gun. The man had gone. He had disappeared.

It was only seconds later that he was standing outside of a looming, ancient building. The man walked past many wilting magnolias to the main entrance of the building. He gently pushed the door open and crept inside. The hallway was softly lit by antique-looking lamps stationed on the walls. The red carpet beneath his shoes was very worn by the many muddy feet that had been dragged across it. The man clunked up the wooden stairs to the second floor. He took a few steps to the door labeled with a number six. The gold paint on the number was chipping off, leaving many unsightly black spots. The man, however, never noticed. He once again pulled his wand out and muttered a spell. The door in front of him creaked open to reveal a dingy, three-room apartment.

The man could hear rats running about in the walls. He didn't mind them. He even found them comforting. They were the only company that he usually had. Tonight there was another visitor. A large barn owl was perched upon the coffee table. He pecked at crumbs from the man's dinner last night. The man carefully untied the parchment that was attached to the bird's leg. He unrolled it.

Wormtail,

Lily and I need you to come to the cottage as soon as you get this.

The note was not signed but it didn't need to be. Peter knew who it was from. It was James Potter that had made up the nickname that he had used in the address. Just thinking of James made Peter's heart flutter a little. The two of them had had a special friendship with Sirius Black and Remus Lupin since the four of them met in their first year at Hogwarts. It wasn't until his fifth year the Peter began to feel differently about James from how he did the other boys. He began to hope that James would want to spend time with him alone. He melted when James gave him compliments and got jealous when he ranted about his love for Lily Evans. It took Peter until his sixth year to finally admit to himself that he was in love with James Potter. Still, there was no one that he could tell. There was no one that he would want to tell. They had graduated from Hogwarts four years ago but Peter's feelings hadn't changed. They hadn't changed when James married Lily and they hadn't changed when the Potters had their first child, Harry.

Clearing his mind of his nagging feelings for James, Peter pictured Godric's Hollow. Moments later he materialized there. It was exactly how he knew it would be. Tall pines towered above him. Thick green grass lay beneath his shoes. A wooden, two story cottage was set before him. Overgrown shrubs and flowers hid most of the lower walls. A light was on inside. Peter made his way to the door and knocked.

"Peter!" James exclaimed as he opened the door. "Glad you could make it." His friend's voice sounded as jovial as ever, but Peter had known him for over ten years now and he could tell that something wasn't right. James stepped aside to allow Peter to enter.

The cottage was very pleasant. The main room in the house was the great room. It was a combination of a living room and kitchen. There was one small wooden table with four chairs. A fireplace was set against the far wall. Paintings and portraits hung about the room. This cottage was where the Potters often spent their vacation time. It was fully equipped for comfortable living.

Lily sat in a rocking chair near the fire. Baby Harry was asleep in her arms. His eyelids were closed over his stunning green eyes. Lily had a look of worry about her. She nodded at the visitor. "Hello, Peter," she greeted him.

Peter hesitated and then nodded back. "Nice to see you again, Lily."

James had now made his way to the kitchen portion of the room. "Do you want a drink, mate?" He pulled out his wand.

"No," Peter replied. "I'm fine." There was silence for a moment. Peter saw James and Lily exchanging looks. Lily's was questioning; James' was reassuring. "How have you three been?" Peter knew the answer. Nobody was doing well lately. Not with Lord Voldemort around, slaughtering innocent people and causing disruption everywhere.

James didn't answer right away. "We've been getting by. Look, Peter, we asked you here for a reason tonight. Things have not been going well. The Order and..." James trailed off. He seemed embarrassed.

"It's not safe for us or the baby anymore. Dumbledore recommended that we go into hiding for a little while," Lily continued.

Peter could now understand James' embarrassment. He had never liked hiding. James was always the person to go out and fight. Peter was the one who hid, not James. Peter felt sorry for his friend. Stupid Lily. Stupid baby. They were causing changes in James that Peter didn't like.

"Peter, we need you to be our secret keeper," James finished.

"But Sirius," he stammered, alarmed. "Or Remus." It wasn't that Peter wasn't proud that his friend had chosen him, he was just surprised.

"Peter, I need you. We need you," James persisted, gesturing at Lily and the baby.

I need you. Those words rung in Peter's head. He glanced at Lily. She looked tired and unhappy. "Of course I'll do it," Peter said. "Of course I will."

That was nearly five months ago. Today, Peter napped on his couch in his apartment. He rolled his chubby body over a little, unconsciously trying to get more comfortable. A broken spring dug into his back. He awoke with a yelp.

"Damn couch," Peter mumbled, pulling himself off of the old thing. He rubbed his eyes, still half asleep. Rats on the floor scrambled about his feet. They were upset by the disturbance Peter had caused them. "I'm getting a new one soon, you know," he told the rodents.

Peter stumbled into the kitchen. He was humming tunelessly. "You're hungry, aren't you, my dears?" The rats scrambled over to him as he opened up the refrigerator. Stubby fingers pushed spoiled food out of the way. Nothing. Peter pulled himself out of the fridge and opened the cupboard above the sink. "Here we go." He pulled a box of crackers out and flung it on the floor. The rats swarmed it, sinking their teeth into the box and tearing it open.

The act of feeding the rats had reminded Peter of what he had to do that day. He glanced at the clock next to the cupboard. It was 4 o'clock. The nap had taken longer than he had expected it to. Hastily, he grabbed a small brown package off of the counter and slipped it beneath his arm. Then Peter Dissaparated.

He reappeared seconds later at Godric's Hollow. It looked different from how it had before. The grass was short and there was a small garden in the back. Peter walked up the sidewalk to the wooden door. He knocked.

James Potter opened the door. Baby Harry was in his arms and there was a burp cloth over his shoulder. "Come in, Peter," he beckoned. Peter's eyes narrowed in on the baby. Harry was dressed in a red and white striped shirt and a pair of jean overalls. He now had a full head of dark, fuzzy hair. "Thanks for coming," James said as he took the package from Peter and opened it. A few green potion bottles laid on the bottom. "Lily really needs these for her garden. She was convinced that she could grow a garden the Muggle way, like she used to." James grinned. "I finally made her cave in and ask for the potions. We'll have prize-winning flowers for sure." Peter glanced out the window at the small garden. The flowers looked beautiful. The sunflowers, chrysanthemums, roses, and lilies were in full bloom. That was James for you. He was convinced magic made everything better.

"I'm just glad I could do something for you." Peter's stomach squirmed at the thanks.

James set the baby on the floor. "It's very interesting living as a Muggle. Liberating."

Peter looked back up at his friend. "Hmmm?"

"Yes, just yesterday I used a lawn mower to cut the grass!" James' eyes lit up. "Can you imagine? We've been paying a boy from town to do it for months but he's been away so I did it myself."

Peter smiled warmly. "I would have liked to see that." What is wrong with me? I'm acting like a schoolgirl.

"Yeah," James said, "It was an adventure."

Peter's smile dropped away. "Not like the old adventures the Marauders used to have, huh?"

"Times are different now." James, too, looked hardened.

"School was really something, wasn't it?" Peter would never admit that he thought about Hogwarts almost daily. He always ended up wishing that he was back there with his friends when his biggest worry was the next day's test.

"It sure was."

Peter couldn't read his friend's expression. He was looking down at Harry as the child toddled a few steps holding onto his father's finger.

A moment's silence followed. The gleeful shouts of the Muggle children running about the woods reached the cottage. A bird called to its mate. Peter's heart was about to burst. He couldn't carry this secret with him any longer. It had been too long. "Can I tell you something, James?"

James looked up finally. His misty-eyed expression and the smile on his lips told Peter that he had just been thinking about Hogwarts. "Sure."

Peter felt sweaty. Was he really going to do this? Was he going to tell this secret that he had meticulously hidden for years? He inhaled sharply and pushed all of his doubts out of the way. It was time. It felt right. "I love you." Silence. James said nothing. He stared blankly into his friend's eyes. Peter could not turn back now. "I've loved you ever since fifth year," Peter was fumbling with his words. "You are just an amazing person." Peter stopped and looked up at James. His face was blank.

"I want you to leave," James said finally.

Peter's heart sank. What had be been expecting? Did he really think that James would tell him that he loved Peter too and leave his wife and child? He had been a fool. There was nothing that he could do but try to save what was left of their friendship. "James, let me explain," Peter started.

"I want you to leave," James repeated, his voice rising. With the sound of a crack, Peter was gone. He left James alone with his confession.

Back at his apartment, Peter lay back down on his broken couch. He vowed to himself that he would never leave his apartment again. His life was over. He was going to stay in that room with his rats until he died. How could he do anything else? The one thing Peter always hated about himself was his lack of courage. He often wondered why he was sorted into Gryffindor. He told himself over and over again that the hat must have been wrong or he didn't show any of the qualities of the different houses so the sorting hat had just placed him randomly. The first time he had shown courage was only minutes ago when he admitted how he felt for James. That wasn't all that amazing though. People did that every day.

The rats on the floor stirred. They were hungry. Some of them gently nipped Peter's fingers, trying desperately to get his attention. Peter ignored them though. Uncomfortable and thoroughly depressed, he tried to sleep but he couldn't. Instead, he laid on the couch in a vegetative state as the room grew darker. He didn't bother to turn on a light. His stomach growled but he didn't have the energy to lift up his wand and mutter a spell. Soon enough it was too dark to see.

Some time later, footsteps could be heard in the hall. They were heavy and uncaring, probably disturbing the sleep of the other tenants. A different sound caught his ear. It was the sound of a door opening. There was a scream. It seemed to be coming from the hallway. For a moment, Peter's mind raced. He was caught in between his curiosity and his resolve not to care about anything anymore. Peter didn't have a chance to react. His own door was flung open. He lay still, hoping not to be seen. Who was in his apartment? He opened one eye. A black figure stood in the doorway. The darkness of the room almost hid it. Suddenly Peter couldn't move. A wizard, it had to be.

The figure moved closer to where Peter laid, unable to move. He could tell that it was a man. Peter couldn't see his features, but he didn't need to to know who was standing in his apartment. The fearsome aura that the man brought with him was enough.

From across the room Lord Voldemort yelled, "Crucio!" Suddenly, Peter felt intense pain all over his body. Everything hurt. All of his bones felt as if they were breaking. His skin felt like it was being pulled off and knives were stabbing him everywhere. It stopped. Peter felt like he was on fire. He had never experienced anything so horrible.

What does he want with me? Peter asked himself. He didn't have the energy to move or fight back. Someone was crying softly. It was Peter.

"Where is the baby?" Lord Voldemort asked. Peter could hear desperation in his voice. That scared him even more. "Where is the Potter baby?" Harry.

For a moment, Peter thought about doing the brave thing. He thought about dying for James and letting his secret go to the grave with him. James. James who didn't love him. James who had turned him away. All common sense had left Peter. He was no longer thinking. "Godric's Hollow," Peter croaked. His throat was dry and it hurt to talk. "James is at Godric's Hollow."

As quickly as Voldemort had appeared, he was gone. The only sound left in the apartment was the scurrying of rats. Slowly, the realization of what had happened came to Peter. He had betrayed the Potters. James was in trouble. Peter's anger evaporated. It was replaced by frantic determination. Peter had to do something. He needed to make up for telling his secrets that were meant to be kept.

a/n: If you've made it this far, review! Your opinion is valued.


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